Monthly Archives: April 2011

A ride fit for a queen

In honour¬†of the royal wedding, here is a picture of my horse Prince William.¬† He was mine before he was Kate’s.

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Vowels are everything

Keith: … and then someone tried to shoot my bagel. Carrie: Why would anyone bother? Keith: What are you talking about? Carrie: Why would anyone shoot your bagel? Keith: Not my bagel, my bagel. Carrie: Your bagel? Keith: No, my … Continue reading

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My mom made a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients for dinner, but she was having some trouble finding everything she needed. “Can you show me where the pesto is?” she asked one of the … Continue reading

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Rural legends

Living in the Ozarks, we didn’t have the same worries as our city kin. It never occurred to us that an ax murderer would climb into the back seats of our cars and wait for us while we ran into … Continue reading

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My dog Prozac

He was not the pick of the litter. What he lacked in size he made up for in antisocial tendencies. People who came to see the puppies quickly passed him over. “Oh, he’s certainly … interesting,” they would say. I … Continue reading

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A beacon of hope

A wild turkey flew across my path while I was on my way to work this morning. It’s going to be a good day.

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A deer season dialogue

“You’re a vegetarian, right? So you don’t eat any meat.” “Right.” “Not even deer meat?” “Not even.” “So what do you during deer season?” “Nothing.” “Do you hunt?” “No.” “Do you even own a gun?” “No.” “Are you some kind … Continue reading

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Feeling horny

You can never leave your past behind you in the Ozarks. My hometown was so small that the kids you started kindergarten with were the exact same people you graduated high school with. There was never the mercy of being … Continue reading

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Mullets Are No Fun

When I was in third grade I had the most amazing, Billy Ray Cyrus-style mullet anyone had ever seen on a little girl. That’s why I feel justified in writing this song. Hope you enjoy.

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All she wants to do is ride

These are Omagles. They are essentially life-size Tinker Toys, but better. Using interlocking joints and plastic pipes, children can build virtually anything. Some well-meaning relative bought my sisters and me a set for Christmas one year. This relative envisioned us … Continue reading

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