Law & Order

The following are excerpts, taken verbatim, from the Ripley County Sheriff’s Report and Doniphan Police Report, published in the April 11, 2012 issue of The Prospect-News.

On April 2 a deputy was dispatched to Southeast Health Center of Ripley County in reference to a dog bite, which occurred at a Fairdealing residence. The 13-year-old victim was advised to inform the owner of the dog, which is a friend of the victim’s mother, to quarantine the dog for up to 10 days and watch for signs of rabies and any other diseases.

Knowing what I do about pet owners in situations like this one, I’d rather face the dog again than tell my mom’s friend how the sheriff’s deputy wants her to put Bowser in the kennel.

On April 2 an officer was dispatched to Super Town and Country in reference to customer stealing $29.87 in gasoline. Officers made contact with the suspect and advised her to go to the store and pay for her gasoline. Investigation will continue, pending further contact with suspect.

The trail is cold, I’m afraid. She’s probably made it halfway through Arkansas by now.

On April 2 an officer was dispatched to Casey’s General Store in reference to theft. Reported stolen was a female wallet, valued at $12.99. An investigation continues, pending further information from video surveillance and identification of suspects.

Patriarchy! I’d protest mightily if someone dared to assign a monetary value to my female wallet.

On April 2 an officer received information of harassment via text messaging. The officer was unable to contact the suspect.

LOL @ that officer.

On April 4 an officer received information of a theft occurring at Super Town and Country on March 28. Reported missing were a pair of flip flops. Investigation continues pending further evidence of the crime.

I’d call this one a crime of fashion. Flip-flops? Yeesh.

About Carrie

Writer by day, writer by night. Urban farmer/dog mama/baby mama/bicycle enthusiast/oenophile the rest of the time.
This entry was posted in Country Grammar, Dogs, Fashion, Fighting, Humor, Newspapers, People, Regrets, The South, Words. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Law & Order

  1. Des P says:

    I wish I had found the report about Town and Country calling the cops regarding stolen gas and the guy had a gas receipt. He had to drive back in town to prove to the cops that he paid for his gas. The joys of living in a small town.

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