Category Archives: The South

The most important meal of the day

As a conductor for the Union Pacific Railroad, my father had a somewhat unpredictable schedule. Sometimes his work took him north to St. Louis or Chicago. Other times it took him south to Memphis or Little Rock. Sometimes he’d be … Continue reading

Posted in Family, Gastronomy, Humor, People, The South, Youth | Leave a comment

The St. Louis Cousins’ last ride

It was always an exciting time for my sisters and me when our St. Louis Cousins came to visit. For though we were the country mice to their city mice, they were savage in a way we admired but could … Continue reading

Posted in Animals, Country Grammar, Family, Fashion, Fighting, Horses, Humor, Mules, People, Regrets, Revenge, The South, Youth | 1 Comment

Tell me how you really feel, Siri

My mom recently made the leap from dumbphone to iPhone. One of her favorite things about it is her dictation app because she can walk around her greenhouse and make verbal notes on which plants she needs to restock, which … Continue reading

Posted in Family, Humor, The South, Words, WTF | Leave a comment

Some people are bad

I posted this last summer, but then took it back down after a few hours. I was afraid it would be taken the wrong way. My intent in sharing this story is not to malign anyone’s reputation but to emphasize … Continue reading

Posted in People, Regrets, School, The South, WTF, Youth | 8 Comments

A conversation with my sister

“Well, I’m glad to see he’s out of prison already.” “He was in prison?” “Yeah.” “What for? Meth?” “No.” “Child abuse?” “No.” “Child molestation?” “No.” “Then what?” “He set a latrine on fire on federal property.” “Oh.”

Posted in Humor, People, Regrets, The South, WTF | Leave a comment

The end is nigh

This did not originate in Doniphan, but it might as well have.

Posted in Humor, Regrets, The South, WTF | Leave a comment

An email from my mother

The goats didn’t jump the fence or crawl through today — maybe they have decided the grass is not green anywhere any more.

Posted in Animals, Goats, The South | Leave a comment


Let there be no doubt that our mother could spank a child with such strength and sting it’d be a while before you felt OK about sitting again. But usually, when my sisters and I were overly rowdy/sullen/disagreeable she made … Continue reading

Posted in Family, Fashion, Fighting, Humor, Phonics, Regrets, The South, Youth | 1 Comment

The origin of species

Every family has its own mythology. Sometimes these stories are a way to restore order to the world when there’s evidence of things that aren’t quite right. Sometimes these stories are a way to inspire obedience. Sometimes these stories are … Continue reading

Posted in Animals, Family, Humor, People, The South, Wildlife, Youth | 2 Comments

A dispatch from the homeland

The April 25 issue of The Prospect-News features two stand-alone photos showing conservation agents Darren Killian and Jason Langston dragging a dryer out of the Current River. According to the cutline, the conservation agents were offering a reward for information leading to the arrest … Continue reading

Posted in Country Grammar, Humor, Newspapers, People, Regrets, The South, WTF | 1 Comment